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“I ... might be.”She shot me her ‘look’. I know better than to tease her once I’ve had that.“Okay, ‘Mom’, I met a real nice lady yesterday while walking Max, and we’re going out on a date Friday.”I got a BIG smile from my secretary. “About time too! You want me to book you a table somewhere fancy?”“Thanks, Helga, but no, not yet. I’m taking this slow; I want to get to know her rather than just impress her. Besides, it’s her choice of place this time. I’m sure she would easily fit in at one of the power restaurants, but I want to talk to her, not spend our time seeing who else is there.”“Okay, but don’t forget, you ever need flowers sent or anything like that, I’m happy to organize them.”“That’s real kind of you. Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. Okay, what have you got for me this afternoon? You aren’t going to ruin March for me already?”“No, boss, all going smoothly at the moment, looking good.”We grinned at each other. She’d introduced me to a saying that whenever you see a swan. ’My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning and put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.I was such an ugly kid! When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.I was so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with his wallet.When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway.”I’m so ugly my mother had morning.
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